Remember that time when a spiritual, other-worldly man with copper red curls all over his body turned up at work wearing a fishnet top? Work was in a kitchen, the curls were apparently too much for the male, very straight chef. He sent the young man home, with a curt „Please go and put on a shirt, then come back“. Understandably, there is an argument about work safety and fishnet curls close to an open fire gas stove. Also, there is something to be said about work ethic and proper clothes for turning up at work. Imagine it had been a girl wearing the fishnet, we’d end up writing about MeToo, sexism, reversed sexism and what have you. However, this man, let’s call him Jasper, was a man. A very sensitive man in his late twenties.
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| Symbolbild of the Insecure Male / unsplash.com: Asaf R |
After being sent back to his room to change into something that wouldn’t turn heads (let’s also say that Jasper cuts quite a romantic figure and is quite the ladies’ man), Jasper didn’t return to the work place. Which was darned foolish, because Jasper was part of a five person team that was serving that night’s dinner to seventy people. Not showing up means quite literally that four people have to work the work load of five. Let’s assume they have to work longer, wash more dishes and let’s also assume that that didn’t put Jasper in good graces that night. Which, incidentally, Jasper didn’t even notice because he was home, sulking. Or letting the rough Cornish winds caress his coppery curls during a wrathful roaming of the near shore path, blowing the sharp edge of anger out of his youthful disobedience.
So, Jasper doesn’t turn up at work that night. Everyone and their dog are talking about the „Jasper and fishnet“ incident, reporting on what happened and why he didn’t return. Then everyone settles on „Well, but he’s a really sensitive guy.“ And: „He’s not in a good place at the moment.“ And: „He really needs to get his act together“. Then the crowd is satisfied. Apart from me, asking myself: "Isn’t this form of sensitivity selfish? Also, what is the „bad place“ Jesse is in at the moment? And: how can he get his act together and why does he need to?"
Let’s assume I know a little bit about romantic Jasper’s background. He is aloof, not easily accessible but extremely thankful when you do. In his spirituality, he needs to be understood. He feeds me theses like „Death is not the end, did you know?“ And I say, „I know, it is just transitory“. He says „fasting was like a lightning rod, I was connected to God for days“ and I say, I have fasted too, there are definitely spiritual sides to it. I am not as spiritual as he is but I don’t write him off as being a weirdo. He likes me for that.
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| unsplash.com: Mitchell Griest |
Also, I get the advantage of being the older woman. There is something to be said about being almost forty, talking to the male in their late twenties that I would have found hot back in the day. Jasper would very definitely have been my type. But being where I am in life, I don’t fall in love as often these days, especially not with young, sensitive men in their late twenties.
Apparently, that makes me easy to talk to and confide in. Jasper confides in me, a little. He tells me about his life. His mother and father are separated, he is from the States but lives in Cornwall with his mother close to the place we’ve just met. He is a very talented singer but works in a surf bar in the next town to support his lifestyle which is probably lenient, considering that he wears the same clothes every day. No, not every day. He wore a night blue, silky shirt and suit the night I arrived. Which I admit, albeit being forty and all, was a bit confusing, him being a lot hotter in his dark blue shirt than I remembered. And let’s not forget the curls on his chest.
Jasper being a head-turner also relates to his theatricality. Theatrical not in a dismissive way, more in a way of supporting his body. Jasper carries his slender body in a way that makes him look older, more experienced. His body is that of a young man. Not too muscular, no bulk. Tall, but not too tall. The way he carries his white, slender, freckled hands and copper-haired arms is that of a confident man in his prime. There are distinct Jasper poses. Like putting his chin in his hand, sort of pouting away into the distance with his dark eyes. Pondering something other-worldly. Searching for an answer. Leaning onto the table with his arms in a wide angle, taking up space that he would normally not need. He is projecting. Feeling his way into this other, manlier self of the future. Projecting a sense of ambiguity that the girls love.
Jasper lives with his mom. He is 27. I am not informed about their relationship, someone here at work said it’s complicated. Without knowing any details, can I still assume that there is something a bit off about a man living with his mother at age 27? Does that relate to the „bad place“ that he’s in? Does the physical and psychological ambivalence he projects relate to him being an only son? And living with his complicated mother? I would say, yes. Why does he live with his mother? Probably for financial reasons. How can I imagine their co-living? He said, there is also a cat. So, the three of them in a flat? A house? Romantic Cornish cottage with caring mother and petty cat? Or an ugly flat with an uncaring, complicated mother and a sad cat? I don’t know. What I do know is that like a lot of other men in their twenties, Jasper is searching for something in me that he can’t give himself. Like, understanding. Like acceptance, forgiving, love. A home. A life that’s different from his life now. Someone to save him, to take him away from the not so great place he is in at them moment.
The problem is, the only person to save Jasper is Jasper. Since he can’t do that and since very probably, his mother in their co-living existence still does his laundry or cooks for him, it’s hard for him to grow up and emancipate in a way that would make him like himself more. A way that would make him proud of himself. A way of getting his act together without harming himself. Without much effort on his part apart from getting out of his mother’s way. And her caring. Growing the fuck up. Seeing someone who sees all the things I see in him. The boy trying to be a man, and succeeding.
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| unsplash.com: Taylor Q |
The sexiness, the unease, the searching. Quite possibly, then, spectral-shifts would occur and Jasper would step out of being the person he is now. The person people think needs to get his act together. Not being in a good place would be his responsibility then. And turning up to work in a fishnet tank top a revolution in its own right.
